Brussel Sprouts with Chipotle Cranberry Cheddar

Abandoned Edibles
brussel sprouts; chipotle cranberry cheddar
(additional ingredients: garlic, butter, olive oil, spices, etc.)

What I did: after twenty-seven years of avoidance, I have finally caved in: yes folks, 'tis true--I cooked and ate brussel sprouts. And you know what? Aside from the inevitable flatulence, they weren't that bad! All I did was trim off the brown parts, chop off the butts, and sauté in butter, olive oil, and garlic. Then I grated the chipotle cranberry cheddar cheese on top.



The Verdict
I must confess, I actually enjoyed these. I guess it goes to show that you can cook anything in butter and garlic and have it taste good. But in all honesty, if you enjoy cabbage (in all its forms) and are a butter addict such as myself, you would probably dig this particular preparation of brussel sprouts. The chipotle cheddar cheese was a perfect addition, as well--just the right about of spice!

Taste: 7
Creativity: 6
Appearance: 7

Improvements for next time: incorporate additional veggies, perhaps?

Mock Duck Stir Fry

Abandoned Edibles
vegetarian Peking duck (dent in can), green onion, peppers, onion, broccoli
(additional ingredients: chopped garlic, soy sauce, olive oil, butter, spices, etc.)

What I did: I have been sitting on this dented can of mock dock forEVER...and finally I gathered the proper ingredients! The process was simple: everything in a skillet/wok. Start with the broccoli, add mock duck, peppers, onions, and garlic--use butter/oil/soy for sauce. PS: a HUGE shout out goes to Erica and Jason for providing my sad, pathetic kitchen with a wonderful array of utensils, cooking devices, and tools! XO



The Verdict
Awesome. This mock duck shit ROCKS! I was a little apprehensive about making this, but my worries were laid to rest with the first bite. The onions and broccoli were a vital component--I would make this again in a heartbeat!

Taste: 8
Creativity: 6
Appearance: 8

Improvements for next time: additional veggies! Mushrooms were solely lacking.

Smoked Turkey Sandwich

Abandoned Edibles
smoked turkey breast, rosemary and blue cheese bread, cucumber, tomato, lettuce, red onion, smoked mozzarella cheese

What I did: made a motherfuckin' SANDWICH, foolio! I have no kitchen ware!



The Verdict
I make kick-ass sandwiches. And seriously, how could I NOT make a sandwich, given the ingredients found in the cull bin??

Taste: 10
Creativity: 0
Appearance: 10

Improvements for next time: INFINITE!

New Digs!

Well, hot damn, folks--I have found an apartment in Ashland, and am no longer mooching off my dear friend Jackie. Since I have moved, however, I have had to leave all of Jackie's cooking utensils, pots, pans, etc. behind (obviously), which means (cue scary tuba music here)--I have no means to cook! I have merely a sushi set, small pot, frying pan, pancake flipper, and pocket knife to my name. AE posts should be QUITE interesting these next few weeks...

Picture above is of the new kitchen. Once I get a few basic essentials in here, it should be P-I-M-P. Aloha!

Bison...Fajita Taco Pita?

Abandoned Edibles
ground bison meat, peppers, cucumber
(additional ingredients: onion, pita, greek yogurt, lemon, dill, zucchini, beef stock, spices, etc.)

What I did: holy cow, I got BISON MEAT from the cull bin! A tiny tear in the packaging, and the bison was mine. Huzzah! Since I had cucumber and peppers (and a package of 99 cent pitas from the bargain basket at the co-op), I thought I'd make some sort of frankenstenian pita/fajita/taco...thing. I cooked the bison with spices and little cubes of zucchini, sauteed the peppers and onions, and made a cucumber/dill/lemon sauce. Easy!



The Verdict
Whhaaaa! This shit was bland. I wish I had more spices. It looked great, smelled great, and tasted merely...standard. If this dish was a personality, I would be getting drunk at dinner with it because I would be so BORED. "You enjoy collecting marbles? Huh, okay, really...tell me more about that. Oh, marbles AND dice, you say? Wow, that is so fascinating...." (yes I just imagined how a conversation would go between myself and the bison fajita taco pita)...

Taste: 4
Creativity: 7.5
Appearance: 6

Improvements for next time: FLAVOR! SEASONING! Something resembling a personality, for the love of all things holy!

Creamy Mushroom Soup with Crispy Wontons

Abandoned Edibles
mushrooms, organic heavy whipping cream, Q'uorn chik'n cutlets (seriously the spelling of this product is really getting on my nerves), pepper jack cheese
*BONUS* leftover AEs: eggroll wrappers, "fresh" thyme (additional ingredients: mushroom soup base, onion, flour, garlic, milk, spices, etc.)

What I did: once again, I found mushrooms and heavy cream in the cull bin. It's been rainy here these past few days, so I figured a soup would be perfect! Also, I realized I LOVE crispy crunchy vittles in my soup (the baby bok choy soup taught me that), and I just so happened to have leftover eggroll wrappers in my fridge, so...viola: crispy wontons were made for the garnish! As for the actual soup, it was pretty simple: I sauteed mushrooms, faux chicken product (which is actually made out of fungi), onions, and garlic; added cream, milk, water, soup base; grated cheese, thickened soup, added thyme, simmered. As easy as a five dollar hooker!



The Verdict
Very rich. Delicious, but rich--perhaps I used TOO much cream? At any rate, the faux meat product worked perfectly in this soup, and, I swear--the crispy wontons made the dish. That added textural element is such a welcome addition!

Taste: 8
Creativity: 6
Appearance: 7

Improvements for next time: less cream, more mushrooms!

Crimini Mushroom Alfredo

Abandoned Edibles
broccoli, organic heavy whipping cream, red pepper, green pepper, crimini mushrooms, lemon, and, of course--the ubiquitous and omnipresent garlic jack cheese (additional ingredients: garlic, parmesan cheese, butter, onion, pasta, extra virgin olive oil, spices, etc.)

What I did: sauteed vegetables, made an Alfredo sauce (cream, butter, parmesan), added some garlic jack. Boiled some noodles. Combined together. The end.



The Verdict
Dude, how could I NOT make Alfredo? Whipping cream + mushrooms = heaven. And yes, it was good. Safe...but delicious! Can't say I was too 'creative' on this one, but who cares? Not me, especially when I'm siphoning forkfuls of pasta and mushrooms and creamy Alfredo sauce down my gullet.

Taste: 8
Creativity: 4
Appearance: 6

Improvements for next time: a different pasta for sure...I used egg noodles (bad choice, I know) and I really should have stuck with a linguini or fettucini. Guess I'll have to spring for the additional 75 cents next time and go for it!

Vulvamorphic Stuffed Peppers

Abandoned Edibles
red peppers, organic white rice, cherry tomatoes
*BONUS* leftover AEs: pepperoni, garlic jack cheese, AND--get this--two leftover AE dishes: venison & zucchini/corn relish
(additional ingredients: none!)

What I did: first of all, can I just say how STOKED I am that I made these peppers out of a) two leftover dishes, and b) without any additional ingredients other than AEs? Very cool. At any rate, these peppers were super easy to make; all I did was cube the leftover venison & pepperoni into smaller pieces, combine with rice and leftover zucchini & corn relish, stuff mixture into hollowed out red peppers, place cherry tomato strategically (to ensure vulvamorphic aesthetic) and grate garlic jack cheese on top. I popped them in the oven at 350 degrees for about 25 minutes.



The Verdict
Delicious! Easy to make, fun to eat, AND I was able to use up a shit ton of leftovers in our fridge. Win, win, win. And you can never go wrong with vulva-shaped food, in my humble opinion.

Taste: 7.5
Creativity: 7
Appearance: 7

Improvements for next time: incorporate a spicy and/or sharp(er) cheese into the pepper filling, perhaps?